Monday, September 03, 2001
What a weekend. I think I could best describe it as extreme. I think I have felt just about every emotion possible this weekend, from lying on the floor sobbing from incredible hurt and loneliness to maximum excitement as the Gators won their opening game. I think I'll start at the beginning, after all, it is the best place to start.
Friday was hard. It is difficult to have the fact that someone cannot stand your very presence constantly shoved in your face. And then to have so many other things shoved in beside that, its the kind of thing that makes for unpleasant parties. I'm just trying to be nice, I'm trying to stay out of your way, the least you could do would be to say hello. Is that too much to ask? I cried the whole way home, I almost hit a tree about a block from your house, but I swerved just in time. I would have hated to put you out by calling and asking you to come to help me. You might have thought I did it on purpose.
Saturday was sooo much better. I LOVE Gator football. I think my $6 dollar tickets are the reason I stay here sometimes. I love how I can go to a game and suddenly my most important problem is whether or not the Gators can pull off one more touchdown before "We are the Boys". I had the best time. After, I got to spend some time with two of the best guys I know. I love those guys, they're more than friends, they're brothers. I wish I could tell them how much they mean to me, but I dont want to sound mushy or cross some weird line.
Sunday was nice. Church was amazing, Rob talked about healing. I needed to hear that everything I am going through right now has a purpose that I am not aware of. I needed to hear that healing will come. IT WILL COME. I had lunch with friends afterwards, that was a bit strained, and then went home and napped until my dad came. My mom and siblings came a while after that. It was nice having my family around. It was like home, only here.
Today was great. I went tubing with a group from RUF. What a way to spend a day. Floating down an ice cold river with 9 great people. God calls us to fellowship, and I think that tubing is definitely a great way to answer that call. Now I am sitting at home, alone but abnormally ok with that.
Tomorrow night is RUF. I'm not necessarily optimistic about the prospect of having encounters with a few people, but I know that Clif will be amazing so that makes up for everything else.
Parts of this weekend have been so very happy and others incredibly sad. I'm afraid that I am becoming ungrateful for the happy moments and dulled to the painful ones. It scares me how numb I am to everything but this queasy tension in the pit of my stomach. What is that? I dont know but it certainly has a knack for keeping me up at night. I wish that things didnt have to be so hard. I wish that things could magically fall into place and everything would be ok. I guess if I got those things, though, I wouldn't have anything else to wish for.
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Friday was hard. It is difficult to have the fact that someone cannot stand your very presence constantly shoved in your face. And then to have so many other things shoved in beside that, its the kind of thing that makes for unpleasant parties. I'm just trying to be nice, I'm trying to stay out of your way, the least you could do would be to say hello. Is that too much to ask? I cried the whole way home, I almost hit a tree about a block from your house, but I swerved just in time. I would have hated to put you out by calling and asking you to come to help me. You might have thought I did it on purpose.
Saturday was sooo much better. I LOVE Gator football. I think my $6 dollar tickets are the reason I stay here sometimes. I love how I can go to a game and suddenly my most important problem is whether or not the Gators can pull off one more touchdown before "We are the Boys". I had the best time. After, I got to spend some time with two of the best guys I know. I love those guys, they're more than friends, they're brothers. I wish I could tell them how much they mean to me, but I dont want to sound mushy or cross some weird line.
Sunday was nice. Church was amazing, Rob talked about healing. I needed to hear that everything I am going through right now has a purpose that I am not aware of. I needed to hear that healing will come. IT WILL COME. I had lunch with friends afterwards, that was a bit strained, and then went home and napped until my dad came. My mom and siblings came a while after that. It was nice having my family around. It was like home, only here.
Today was great. I went tubing with a group from RUF. What a way to spend a day. Floating down an ice cold river with 9 great people. God calls us to fellowship, and I think that tubing is definitely a great way to answer that call. Now I am sitting at home, alone but abnormally ok with that.
Tomorrow night is RUF. I'm not necessarily optimistic about the prospect of having encounters with a few people, but I know that Clif will be amazing so that makes up for everything else.
Parts of this weekend have been so very happy and others incredibly sad. I'm afraid that I am becoming ungrateful for the happy moments and dulled to the painful ones. It scares me how numb I am to everything but this queasy tension in the pit of my stomach. What is that? I dont know but it certainly has a knack for keeping me up at night. I wish that things didnt have to be so hard. I wish that things could magically fall into place and everything would be ok. I guess if I got those things, though, I wouldn't have anything else to wish for.
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