Thursday, October 25, 2001
I have been trying for a while now to put exactly what I feel into some sort of expressible form. I'll type it out, read it over, and then erase it all because it doesn't even come close to telling you what the tingling in the pit of my stomach feels like. For the first time in over 9 months, I AM HAPPY. It took a while to realize that was what I was feeling because it had been SO long since I was anywhere near that. This fact dawned on me last night as I was sitting at a table surrounded by people I adore. I don't knowwhat it was that brought on the ephiphany, but all of a sudden I realized that I was having a really wonderful time and not faking it for the sake of those watching me. It's so nice to smile and to mean it. It's nice to giggle just because. It's nice to cry because I am so happy rather than because I am miserably sad. For the first time I am focusing on the things that I have and not the things that I lack. Last night, for more reasons than one, was the best night I've had in a really long time. It's a wonder what the right company can do.
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