Wednesday, April 03, 2002
These days, intentions fail to materialize into anything more. Best laid plans rarely find their way off the drawing board. An example? I had every intention of staying on my new diet of Slim Fast and sensible dinners until I had shed the buffer of fat surrounding my lower end, however a 50% off sale of Easter candy and my weakness for sweets seemed to have other designs on my plan. I had every intention of going out tonight and being social, however my newly formed hermit status dictated otherwise. One day, I'll be the crazy old spinster at the end of the block with hideous warts and a hundred cats. I've grown so accustomed to my aloneness anything other than that seems forced and unnatural. Not unpleasant, just out of place. I almost prefer things this way, I get more done and I never have to be anyone but ME. Maybe I am shielding myself from inevitable goodbyes or maybe I just need a moment alone. I'm sure one day soon I'll wake up and snap out of this and be a better, bigger person because I'm not afraid to be on my own. It might take a few trips off the face of the earth, but gravity always pulls me back.
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