Monday, July 08, 2002
The world outside is growing gradually darker, matching my mood hue for hue. The computer speakers blaring the saddest songs I could find, I am sitting in my empty house mulling over my increasing dissatisfaction and distrust of this world and, expressly, the people living in it. I've never been beautiful, though there are days in the mirror when I imagine I see myself coming close. I blame this fact, and this fact alone, for my present loneliness and ever approaching fate as a spinster. Sometimes I dream of meeting a man who will look past the nose, and the flat chest, and the expanding rear. He won't play games or withold emotion and he will never put me down or call me stupid. Instead he will tell me that he thinks I'm pretty and worthy, and he will call himself lucky and blessed. But its just a dream.
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Monday, July 01, 2002
There are days when I feel designed for greatness, and then others when I am determined in my complacency. The summer has reached its mid-point and I have yet to accomplish anything worthy of description.
I have enlisted myself in the great battle of woman vs. waistline, eating less than I want and running more than I should. The results are disappointing to say the least.
About a week ago, I started working at a local family-owned Chinese restaurant. Hardly the job I had hoped for, but it pays cash. I take delivery orders and the money of customers who have taken "all you can eat" as a challenge rather than an invitation. I eat, dream, and smell of wontons and eggrolls.
I find that an increasing number of people have to tell me to smile.
This town, this house, these people seem to be constricting around me and all I want is out.
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I have enlisted myself in the great battle of woman vs. waistline, eating less than I want and running more than I should. The results are disappointing to say the least.
About a week ago, I started working at a local family-owned Chinese restaurant. Hardly the job I had hoped for, but it pays cash. I take delivery orders and the money of customers who have taken "all you can eat" as a challenge rather than an invitation. I eat, dream, and smell of wontons and eggrolls.
I find that an increasing number of people have to tell me to smile.
This town, this house, these people seem to be constricting around me and all I want is out.
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