And So It Goes

The halls at work today are eerie and empty as most of the staff has off to prepare for tonight's Christmas party. After a morning full of rain, the skies have cleared and the air has cooled. The mood inside is still considerably dark, though, as the clouds have yet to clear from above my head. This has been a considerably unsettling week, leaving a rather unpleasant knot sitting hard in my stomach. Things have started to unravel, both professionally and personally, and I find that the harder I try to hold onto things the more I lose my grip all together.
So today in this empty office, I shut my door, turned up the music and sobbed. I've heard it said that crying is only an expression of self-pity and I have to say that I can't disagree with that. Today I cried because I feel alone and unloved. I cried because I feel like my best is not enough. I cried because I'm hurt and frustrated and disappointed and tired. I had no idea how exhausting it is to fake your way to happiness, how overwhelming it can be to slap on a happy smile when all you want to do is sink further into bed. My life feels as though it's falling apart and I cried because I won't burden anyone else with helping me pick up the pieces nor do I feel like anyone would if I bothered to ask.
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