Wednesday, March 30, 2005
I've had alot on my mind recently, so much to say to so many people. Rather than take the time and effort to confront them one by one, I've addressed each and every issue in an open letter to the following people:
The Girl Scouts of America- This is getting a bit ridiculous. Last month when I purchased two packages of your mouth-watering, can't-wait-to-get-home-to-tear-open-the-box chocolate and peanut butter cookies, I nearly attacked the green clad scout who informed me that these small bites of heaven are now $3.50 a box. Three dollars and fifty cents!? To add insult to injury, there were only 15 cookies in that box. Do you know how long it takes me to eat 15 of your cookies? About three and half minutes. Seriously, ladies, you're just taking advantage of us now and I might have to think about possibly considering purchasing fewer boxes next time.
Truck drivers of America- Please stop. Not only do your road-clogging, filth-spewing vehicles get in my way, slow me down, and cause serious amounts of road rage every single day, but you, drivers, are all generally obnoxious as well. Please note that honking, waving, making kissy faces and winking in my direction will not ever result in anything but complete disgust. Also, GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!
Downstairs neighbors- You people are seriously starting to piss me off. You're old, your food smells awful, and your dog shits all over the yard. Please do not come to me to complain about the amount of noise my cat makes in the middle of the afternoon or that the sound of my breathing kept your mother up for hours last night. I've had made some serious efforts in pretending that you and your family do not exist, I only ask that you do the same where I am concerned. Also, I've noticed that the number of felines prowling around outside your door has mulitplied exponentially since the time I moved in five months ago. Please note that cats are not and should not be collectible items unless they are made of glass.
The gentleman brushing his teeth rather energetically in traffic yesterday - Please don't stop. You are the funniest thing I have seen all week. I especially enjoyed the part where you swished your mouth wash for 25 minutes and then capped it all off with a good gargle.
Retailers of America (particulary Banana Republic, Lucky Brand Clothing, Calvin Klein, and TARGET) - Please stop accepting my credit cards. I can't control myself. Me, my quickly declining bank account and future credit score are all counting on you. P.S. I love you.
Chik-Fil-A - Your food is delicious. I noticed that you've started offering Diet Dr. Pepper and for that you have my heart. Fantastic chicken, waffle fries and my beverage of choice, what more could a girl want. Thank you.
Apple Computers - Was it absolutely necessary for you to lower the price of your 4 GB iPod mini only weeks after I purchased mine for $250? The way I see things, you owe me. Big time.
Your consideration in these matters is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
#
The Girl Scouts of America- This is getting a bit ridiculous. Last month when I purchased two packages of your mouth-watering, can't-wait-to-get-home-to-tear-open-the-box chocolate and peanut butter cookies, I nearly attacked the green clad scout who informed me that these small bites of heaven are now $3.50 a box. Three dollars and fifty cents!? To add insult to injury, there were only 15 cookies in that box. Do you know how long it takes me to eat 15 of your cookies? About three and half minutes. Seriously, ladies, you're just taking advantage of us now and I might have to think about possibly considering purchasing fewer boxes next time.
Truck drivers of America- Please stop. Not only do your road-clogging, filth-spewing vehicles get in my way, slow me down, and cause serious amounts of road rage every single day, but you, drivers, are all generally obnoxious as well. Please note that honking, waving, making kissy faces and winking in my direction will not ever result in anything but complete disgust. Also, GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!
Downstairs neighbors- You people are seriously starting to piss me off. You're old, your food smells awful, and your dog shits all over the yard. Please do not come to me to complain about the amount of noise my cat makes in the middle of the afternoon or that the sound of my breathing kept your mother up for hours last night. I've had made some serious efforts in pretending that you and your family do not exist, I only ask that you do the same where I am concerned. Also, I've noticed that the number of felines prowling around outside your door has mulitplied exponentially since the time I moved in five months ago. Please note that cats are not and should not be collectible items unless they are made of glass.
The gentleman brushing his teeth rather energetically in traffic yesterday - Please don't stop. You are the funniest thing I have seen all week. I especially enjoyed the part where you swished your mouth wash for 25 minutes and then capped it all off with a good gargle.
Retailers of America (particulary Banana Republic, Lucky Brand Clothing, Calvin Klein, and TARGET) - Please stop accepting my credit cards. I can't control myself. Me, my quickly declining bank account and future credit score are all counting on you. P.S. I love you.
Chik-Fil-A - Your food is delicious. I noticed that you've started offering Diet Dr. Pepper and for that you have my heart. Fantastic chicken, waffle fries and my beverage of choice, what more could a girl want. Thank you.
Apple Computers - Was it absolutely necessary for you to lower the price of your 4 GB iPod mini only weeks after I purchased mine for $250? The way I see things, you owe me. Big time.
Your consideration in these matters is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
#
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Unbreak My Heart
The weather here has taken a turn for the frigid, leaving everyone slightly shocked and trembling in their Bermuda shorts and sleeveless tees. Only days ago the mercury was rising and the temperature was sitting pretty at 70. Saturday was absolutely gorgeous and the park down the street was host to hundreds taking advantage of the glorious day - cute families flying kites, a couple or two lounging in the greening grass and a small wedding party gathered to preserve the moment by the riverside. Today, the skies were gray and angry, not a trace of beauty to be found. The weather inside was dismal as well, clouds darkening the moods of almost everyone. I spent the day on the edge of tears, often giving way to the welling flood of hurt and self-pity. Iron and Wine and Ray Lamontagne spent most of their day breaking my already shattered heart.
My entire world, physical and emotional, seems to be centered around issues of the heart these days. My heart, as in the organ that pumps blood and generally tends to keep you alive, is actually broken due to a slight defect. I’ve had this condition for a few years but in recent weeks things seem to have taken a turn for the unpleasant. Symptoms that once made appearances every few months have now started to occur every few days. Three doctors and a bevy of ER nurses can only offer sympathy, of which they have very little, and a buffet of medications that really don’t work and have the most excruciating side effects. The one thing they don’t have is answers. Why is this happening? How can I fix it? No one seems to know and their remedies resemble a band-aid attempting to cover a gaping wound.
My other heart, as in the emotional center that loves and lives and generally tends to keep you alive, is in a fragile state as well. The past five months have not been easy but they haven’t been tragic, either. I suppose I’m still struggling to find some security, trying to plant myself somewhere safe and lasting with the kind of support that you can only get from people you love and love you in return. In the time I’ve lived as a bona fide adult, I’ve managed to ask a lot of questions and have come up short time and again on answers. But, you know, I think Jack Johnson put it best when he wrote, “Love is the answer, at least, for most of the questions in my heart. Why are we here? Where do we go? How come it’s so hard? It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving. I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together.”
Make no mistake; I’m not after your pity. I have the market cornered on my own. I know that tomorrow, when the sun shines out from behind the gloom, life will seem much brighter, much lighter. I know that my hearts will mend and answers will come. I know that everything worth wanting takes time. Most importantly, though, I know that grace only comes to the broken.
#
My entire world, physical and emotional, seems to be centered around issues of the heart these days. My heart, as in the organ that pumps blood and generally tends to keep you alive, is actually broken due to a slight defect. I’ve had this condition for a few years but in recent weeks things seem to have taken a turn for the unpleasant. Symptoms that once made appearances every few months have now started to occur every few days. Three doctors and a bevy of ER nurses can only offer sympathy, of which they have very little, and a buffet of medications that really don’t work and have the most excruciating side effects. The one thing they don’t have is answers. Why is this happening? How can I fix it? No one seems to know and their remedies resemble a band-aid attempting to cover a gaping wound.
My other heart, as in the emotional center that loves and lives and generally tends to keep you alive, is in a fragile state as well. The past five months have not been easy but they haven’t been tragic, either. I suppose I’m still struggling to find some security, trying to plant myself somewhere safe and lasting with the kind of support that you can only get from people you love and love you in return. In the time I’ve lived as a bona fide adult, I’ve managed to ask a lot of questions and have come up short time and again on answers. But, you know, I think Jack Johnson put it best when he wrote, “Love is the answer, at least, for most of the questions in my heart. Why are we here? Where do we go? How come it’s so hard? It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving. I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together.”
Make no mistake; I’m not after your pity. I have the market cornered on my own. I know that tomorrow, when the sun shines out from behind the gloom, life will seem much brighter, much lighter. I know that my hearts will mend and answers will come. I know that everything worth wanting takes time. Most importantly, though, I know that grace only comes to the broken.
#
